"My son has just moved schools and whilst he was happy when he started he is now saying he is unhappy and he wants to go back to his old school where his friends are and people like him. What should I do?."

 

---

It's not easy to handle these situations and I do sympathise with you because it is very distressing when our children are unhappy at school. It is not unusual for children who have moved school to behave in this way. Many children are excited about their new school at first but than experience feelings of grief and loss because they miss their old school and old friends and can feel lonely and unhappy until they have made new friends and have adjusted to the new situation. What’s going on is that the child’s intellectual ability to understand his experience is temporarily outpacing his emotional ability to handle it.

The following suggestions may help:

• Acknowledge your child’s feelings, let him know you understand and can accept the fact that he is feeling sad.
• Reassure your child that you will help him with this difficult period by letting him know that it is something he will get through and it’s not abnormal, but something that probably most kids who move school go through.
• Ask questions, for example, "If you could make school any way you wanted, how would you make it?" "What would you do to make break time the very best it could be?" "If you were in charge of how boys and girls played together, how would you set it up?" You'll hear about the difficulties, but you'll have also got around the hopeless feelings that make a child clam up by asking the question in a positive way.
• Listening to him talk or cry about his lack of friends or about some injustice in the classroom or his teacher will enable him to figure out ways to work through the situation. You don't need to solve every little difficulty he runs up against but instead work out with him how, for example, if he would like some help in making friends by perhaps suggesting that he invite one of his new classmates home. You will then find out how much he wants you to help because he needs to be an equal partner in deciding what role you play.